the night has opened my eyes [henrik, estela]

As Elias came to consciousness, everything was such a blur. The entire experience he'd had in the barn seemed like some sick and twisted fantasy, something dreams are made of. But when he tried to move the fingers on his hand and realized that he couldn't, the dark reality set in.

He kept his eyes closed out of fear of what he would see when he opened them. Though he could hear the quiet murmurs of machines and clio around him in what sounded like a hospital, he was too traumatized to take it at face value. If he weren't so terrified, he may have let some tears drip from his eyes. But for him, he felt like he may still be in the barn for all he knew. He'd woken up there too may time to expect any different.

--

Henri noticed Elias' body language change as he, Henri assumed, started to come back to consciousness. Henrik had felt the depths of guilt like he hadn't felt in years when he'd found out that his son, who was coming home to Nadar because of him, had been kidnapped and almost killed. To see Elias in the state that he was in was horrifying.

Henri had missed Elias when the ferry arrived, but had at first blamed it on Elias' attitude. Maybe he hadn't actually boarded the ferry, maybe something came up that was more important to him. But when Henri couldn't get ahold of him through the Redfern phones, he had become seriously concerned.

And quickly his entire family and close correspondences seemed to be on top of it. If Estela hadn't come home so recently, he definitely would have been at the forefront of what had happened...but he was still trying to understand what exactly had happened with Estela, and what she was still trapped in. Little did he know, she was trapped in what Elias and his cousins/friends would suffer from: the Coterie.

"Elias, I'm here," he said softly, holding his son's arm. "It's going to be okay."

Elias heard his father's voice and came to no other conclusion than that he was dead. He was convinced that there was no way he was going to make it out of that barn alive, and therefore could accept nothing less. He kept his eyes closed, and Henri looked longingly at Estela. Maybe she could help this, as startling as it would be for Elias to feel and hear his mother alive and well.

Every nerve in Estela's body was screaming at her to go to her son, who she hadn't seen for four years, and pull him into her arms. But she hung back, standing a couple feet away from his hospital bed as Henri sat nearby. She didn't want to distress Elias any more than he already was by just reappearing after whatever horrific trauma he had just been through.

I did this, she kept thinking, staring at her son's bandaged hand. Maimed, forever. Guilty "I should have"'s kept running through her mind, over and over again on repeat. I should have told the truth. I should have stayed away. I should have known this would happen. I should have done everything differently.

Even worse, Elias wasn't alone. Poppy had been hurt too, and another boy. The son of the woman who Henri had...well. Now wasn't the time to think about that. Elias and the other kids dominated her thoughts and her guilt and her grief.

Suddenly Elias' body tensed, and Henri whispered reassurances to him. Henri looked over at her desperately, silently asking her to come closer. She did slowly, still unsure if she even should. "Elias...?" she said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder.

I did this.

Elias closed his eyes tightly as he heard a voice that sounded like a distant memory. He really must be dead if his mother was here.

But, after everything that had happened to him, he had to be brave. He had to open his eyes. He had to face whatever was in front of him. And if his mother was here, he had to see her.

Elias slowly opened his eyes, the light from the room blinding him a bit before he was able to make out the shape of a clio standing over him. She looked ethereal with the light silhouetting her hair and face, but his eyes soon adjusted and filled with tears as he recognized his mother.

"M...mom," he breathed as his father tightened his grip on his arm lovingly.

Henri knew that this was probably a difficult time for Elias to see his mother again, but maybe it was fitting considering what he'd just gone through. The sadness that Henri felt for his son was so deep...he never wanted his son to go through anything like he and Nils had, but he somehow let it happen. And now his son was scarred forever, in ways that Henri hadn't even had to deal with. Henri's eyes also filled with tears, but not only from sadness -- also out of relief that Elias had made it out alive.

Tears threatened to spill out of Estela’s eyes when Elias looked up at her. She didn’t let them fall, even as he started tearing up himself. Her little boy, who wasn’t a little boy anymore, who she hadn’t talked to in four years. He had grown up so much since then. He had a haunted look in his eyes that she’d sometimes seen on her husband, or occasionally in the mirror when she’d been alone. That, even more than his physical scars, broke her heart into pieces.

She didn’t even know what to say. She didn’t know how to talk to her own son! She knew she needed to explain the truth to him, but how could she put all that on him now, while he was lying in a hospital bed? All she wanted to do was comfort him. Maybe that was all she should do for now.

"Yeah, it's me, I'm here now," she said softly, kneeling down next to his bed and squeezing his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You're really here," Elias breathed. He started to smile, but his face scrunched up as he started crying softly. He wanted to tell his parents about some of the things Cillian had said, about how the kidnapping was supposedly connected to his mom, about how he somehow knew Elias' mom was even alive -- but just the thought of Cillian (and therefore Spenser) was too painful, there was no way he could even speak aloud about them. Not yet.

Some of his soft sobbing was a result of his brief dive into thoughts of the barn, but he was also completely overwhelmed with joy and relief. He'd made it out alive somehow. His mother was alive and well, and here. With him. He'd had so much time to think about his life, his actions, his regrets. But he'd been given a second chance for some reason.

Elias felt his father rub his arm reassuringly. He couldn't believe his father had been so kind to him, had tried so hard to maintain a relationship that Elias had been hellbent on ruining. He'd pushed away his cousins, his friends, his own father -- but everyone believed in him enough to stick around or come back to him when he was ready to open up. He was so thankful and so apologetic. He didn't deserve the love that he received from the clio around him.

"I'm...so sorry, Dad -- I've been so awful to you," he mustered, but Henri shushed him.

"Elias," he said lovingly, "I'm just so glad you're alive. I love you, son."

Elias sniffled, more tears streaming down his cheeks. "I love you, too," he said softly.

In spite of the horrible events that had just transpired, and the long and difficult road Estela knew they all had ahead of them, she couldn't help but smile as Henri and Elias shared a sweet moment between them. She had been devastated to learn that their relationship had strained nearly to the breaking point after her disappearance, and it warmed her heart to see that they were both willing to repair it.

"I've missed you both so much," she told them, her eyes staying dry but her voice breaking a little. Her wonderful, loving, supportive little family that her lies had nearly torn apart. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. "I'm sorry. There's so much I need to tell you both. But for now...I'm just so happy that you're here safe."

Elias nodded as his mother spoke, a small smile on his face to accompany his tears. "Sometimes I thought...that maybe you had died, but...I always hoped." He looked away, embarrassed at the way he'd acted for so long. Four years. Yes, his mom held a deeply-rooted place in his heart, but his family didn't deserve to lose her and him...but he'd made sure to make that happen.

"You were the one thing I had hope for, Mom," he said, his own voice cracking too. "I'm gonna do my best to make you proud." Elias looked to his dad, who smiled back at him and nodded. "Both of you."

He closed his eyes, letting himself forget about the sorrows of the barn for a moment and bask in the warmth of his recently-broken family, somehow pieced back together overnight.

But suddenly his stomach dropped. Poppy and Axel.

His eyes opened, this time with fear in them. "What about Poppy and Axel? Are they here?" he asked desperately. "Does everyone know you're back?"

"We're already proud of you," Estela assured him, knowing Henri would agree. "And I always hoped, too. That I would be able to come back to you. It...it was what kept me going." She stopped herself there. Elias would need to hear everything eventually, but not right now.

Elias wrote:"What about Poppy and Axel? Are they here? Does everyone know you're back?"

"Yes. Shhh. They're here, they're both going to be okay," she said softly, smoothing down Elias' hair as he looked up at her, panicked. Those three kids had been through the same horrible trial together, and it broke Estela's heart. When she said they were "okay" she meant physically, they were alive and healing. But emotionally...she had no idea. "Your aunt and uncle know I'm back."