i messed up -h2-

Senna had been a bit despondent since everyone arriving at the hospital. Despite assurances that Poppy, Elias and the third guy Senna now knew was named Axel would all survive, and the fact that everything had turned out okay in the end, she still couldn't stop picturing that spear that had missed Henri by literal inches. He would have died. They both would have died, if that Petra lady hadn't shown up. And then their parents would have found them, and--

That isn't what happened, though, Paz said reassuringly. Everything DID end up okay.

But what if it hadn't? Senna asked. It would have been my fault if anything happened to Henri. She'd been the one who wanted to go, she had had to convince him. He never would have been there if it weren't for her, risking his life so that she could play hero.

Henri walked through the hall of the hospital, carrying two cups of coffee. It had been a long two days since arriving here, and he was barely functioning. Despite knowing that Poppy and Elias and Axel were safe, it was difficult to get himself out of that barn. Earlier he'd noticed Senna slinking away down the hall, and he knew she'd been getting as little sleep as he had. So when he'd gone to get coffee for himself from the little cafe inside the hospital, he'd gotten a cup for her as well.

He turned the corner and caught a glimpse of her sitting on a round little chair that sat against a wall of big windows. It was a quiet hallway, one off to the side of the main hall that connected Poppy and Elias' rooms together.

He approached her. "Hey," he said, trying to smile at her. He had never been talkative, himself, but Senna was naturally the complete opposite. The fact that she had been so quiet since arriving here made him feel anxious, and he didn't like it. He held out one of the cups of coffee to her.

Senna glanced up when Henri greeted her, and then looked back down, a fresh wave of guilt washing over her. "Thanks," she said, taking the coffee. Her, Henri and their parents had probably gotten about four hours of sleep between them these last couple days.

"How, uh, how are you doing?" she asked, staring down at the cup of coffee. All things considered, Henri appeared to be doing okay. At least, considering it was Henri he appeared to be doing okay. She was surprised he wasn't catatonic after what had happened. Why had she ever thought it was a good idea to go to Annerb with him?

As Senna stared down at her cup of coffee, Henri did the same. He shrugged at her question, not quite sure how to answer it. He was fine, physically, despite his severe lack of sleep. But mentally, emotionally... He felt guilty for saying he was handling it less than stellar-ly. They'd gone through so much, and here he was, feeling anxious despite going through far less.

"I'm glad they're going to be okay," he said, instead. Okay didn't quite describe his sister and cousin well, but it was what everyone kept saying. Henri knew it was just a term clio used to say that they were glad they were alive, glad they'd made it long enough for help to arrive and that they were now safe in the hospital. It didn't even begin to dig down past the surface, though.

But that was something Henri had always struggled with, anyway. It was your insides that were difficult to deal with.

"How...how are you?" he asked. It was weird, asking his sister questions like this. He loved her an insane amount, but he had never talked about emotional things with her. Ever.

Senna winced when Henri avoided telling her how he was really doing. Not good, then. "I'm..." she began, before a dam burst somewhere inside her and her eyes started to tear up. A lot of clio had a misconception about Senna that she was always tough and hardy and never let emotional things get to her. It wasn't true, she had never been one to bottle things up, and she always wore her emotions on her sleeve. It was just that most of the time she was happy, or occasionally angry. Like most clio, she cried when she was sad and she wasn't ashamed to do do. "I'm sorry. We never should have gone to Annerb, I shouldn't have made you go, you almost died b-b-because of me."

She furiously wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I'm so stupid. I just thought--I thought--" That they'd save Poppy and be heroes? How fucking childish she was.

Henri's eyes widened in horror when Senna burst into tears. He wasn't shocked that she was crying--it seemed like a right enough time as any to cry--but was instead terrified at the idea of trying to comfort someone. He never talked about his feelings, and definitely never talked about anyone else's. He'd never had someone cry so openly in front of him about anything.

His heart broke clear open as he tried to struggle though understanding what Senna was feeling. He shook his head repeatedly, willing himself to get a grip on the situation and listen to his sister's words instead of staring at her and being useless.

She thinks she put you in danger, Lydia said, trying to talk him down so he could do the same for Senna.

Well, thought Henri, they had been in danger. But Senna hadn't forced him to go! And she would have gone even if he hadn't agreed to go with her--which would have been dangerous for her to do alone. If she hadn't of had someone in Ughdarras to help her, it would have been a disaster trying to get to Annerb.

Talk to her. Hug her.

So he did. Henri took one of Senna's hands into his and pulled gently, coaxing her into standing, and then wrapped his arms around her. "Everyone is safe," he said softly, against the back of her head. He and Senna were exactly the same height, which meant his face was resting against her curly hair.

Hugging her brought him back to when they were young children. Though he and Poppy were closer in age, their hair and height similarities had always made everyone think he and Senna were twins. As he held her closely he was reminded of a million hugs growing up. Senna had loved giving him hugs against his will. She'd always been a big sister in the way she treated him. She could have coined the phrase, herself, or had it written specifically about her. She'd always cared, always teased. Too much. He'd always thought she was too much of a big sister. And now he realized, this was probably the first time he'd ever initiated a hug between the two of them. It was the first time his arms had wrapped around her body tightly, holding her to him as she cried.

And if her fault was loving too hard, he thought, then that was no fault at all.

"We were there because you love Poppy, and there is nothing, nothing wrong with that."

Senna gratefully returned her brother's hug in a way that could be described as "bone-crushing." They probably hadn't hugged in years, because Henri didn't like hugs. It felt strange, being comforted by him. She had never, ever been comforted by him before. He had been comforted by her, and because of her, many times, but never the other way around.

After a moment, she pulled back away and shook her head, mopping at her eyes with her sleeve again. "No," she said. "I mean, yes. I do love Poppy, obviously. I wanted to help however I could. But...I think what I really wanted was for it to be like--like when Mom and Dad rescued Uncle Henri, or--or something. I was so stupid, I know. When he threw that spear at you--"

She stopped, the memory vividly playing in her mind. Did Henri even know? How little control she had in that moment, how close he truly had been to death? He had to've. She shuddered at the thought.

Henri felt his stomach lurch when Senna mentioned the spear Cillian had thrown at him. He was trying his best not to think of the specifics of what had happened that night. He looked at Senna and her red, swollen eyes and felt guilt rise up in his throat like a burning acid. Now that she'd mentioned the spear, a thought entered his head. If he wasn't so incompetent, would she not be feeling so upset? If he hadn't needed protecting, she would have nothing to feel guilty over.

Senna was a lot like their parents, he thought. Brave and strong. He wanted to say something supportive--something that would make Senna feel better--but he didn't know how. "I'm--I'm sorry," he said, wishing he could say more. Saying sorry didn't even fit properly into their conversation.

Why could he never find the right words to say? Why did his tongue feel so thick and heavy, why did his mind go into overdrive? Why was he thinking about himself right now when his teary eyed sister was in front of him, needing support?

He sucked in a breath and clenched his free hand into a fist. His finger nails bit into his palm and he tried to focus on that pain for a second instead of his thought spiral.

"No, I'm the one who's sorry," Senna said firmly. She recognized the look on Henri's face. She'd seen it before, the way he would get lost in his own head and somehow come out of it upset and hating himself. He was almost impossible to reason with when he got like this, and would take any words or gestures as a sign he'd done something wrong. "I'm the one who put us in that situation. You didn't do anything wrong."

Back to her more familiar protective big sister mode, she reached out and put her hands on his shoulders, making him look her in the eye. "Hey. I love you, okay? And I'm happy you didn't get hurt."

Henri nodded too quickly and felt himself get a little lightheaded. Perhaps the lack of sleep was weighing on him after all. But Senna's hands on his shoulders did help pull him away from himself a little, and a little, right now, was all he could really hope for, anyway.

"I love you too," he told her earnestly. He also wanted to tell her he didn't blame her, not for any of it, but the words wouldn't come. He was afraid if he spoke again it would bring another wave of anxiety, both to him and to Senna. He didn't want her crying anymore. For him, at least, it was better not to think of the situation...maybe it would be the same for her?

"I think Poppy was asking for you, earlier," he said. While it was true--she had been--he was also using this as a way to get Senna out of her thoughts. Distraction was the only thing that worked in times like this, and Poppy would be as good a distraction as any. Poppy never stopped talking--it was hard to have your own thoughts around someone like that.

Senna gave Henri a watery smile. "Yeah. I should go see her," she agreed. According to Mom and Dad, Poppy was up and talking and seemingly doing alright, in spite of what had happened. She was a tough one, Poppy. "Let's go."

As the two of them walked down the hall, not saying much, a familiar voice from behind them rang out. "Henrik! Senna!" Senna turned around. It was Luce, looking harried as though she'd run straight from the docks to get here.

---

Lucina had, in fact, run straight from the docks to the hospital. It had been a chaotic and confusing few days. The school had been on total lock-down with almost no information as to why, and rumors had spread like wildfire. The rumors were wild, and the only consensus seemed to be that Henrik and Senna were involved somehow, and they were nowhere to be found.

Finally Luce had managed to drag it out from her step-mom that there had been some kind of attack on Henrik's family, and that things were under control and they were all at this hospital in Nadar. It had taken a little more convincing for her moms to pull her out of school and let her come here on such short notice, but in the end she'd made it.

She ran forward and wrapped her arms around Henrik. "Gods, I've been so worried," she said. "You have no idea the crazy things I've been hearing about what happened. What happened? Are you okay? Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone's okay," Senna said, though neither of them looked okay. She had obviously just been crying. "I'll go on ahead and give you guys some time to talk." She gave them both a small smile and continued down the hall.

Henri braced himself for impact when Lucina of all clio came sprinting down the hall and thrust her arms around him. He allowed himself to be embraced, and brought his arms up carefully around her back to give her a soft squeeze in return. Her hug felt good, and he tried to make his body relax before she let go.

He was grateful Senna left without any teasing, but also felt himself panic a little as she walked away. He'd been so ready to stop talking about that night and the feelings that came with it, and now it seemed like he was going to have to talk about it more.

"Thanks for coming," he said. "I--I should have called." That was definitely something you should tell your girlfriend, he thought. He should have called and said something.

Oh, yes, I'm just calling to let you know that Poppy was kidnapped, and Senna and I went to save her. Yes, we almost died, all of us, but we are okay. Things are okay. Okay, maybe it was for the best that he hadn't called her.

He tried to smile at Lucina to ease the worry on her face, but couldn't get the thought away that he was going to have to relive everything to give her a little bit of clarity. He wished they were just hanging out back at their dorms instead of meeting dramatically in this claustrophobic hospital hallway.

"Don't worry about that," Luce said, waving her hand dismissively. Something awful had been happening to Henrik's family, of course calling her wouldn't be the first thing on his mind.

If she was being honest, Luce had originally been disappointed with Henrik when he hadn't shown up to the Neewollah party. But then security guards started coming by rounding everyone up and herding them back to their dorms. Then the whispers started, about the Selway-Sommers kids, about an attack. Luce had been frantic all night, calling everyone she knew to try to get to the truth, until finally getting the news from her step-mom. It had been such a relief to hear everyone was alive and accounted for. So, yeah. The last couple days had been a roller coaster.

"What happened, Henrik?" she asked. "The other students were saying you'd been attacked, and then my mom told me you were all here at the hospital because something happened to Poppy."

Henri let out a breath. It was a long story--longer still, if he went into the details of why everything had happened. He didn't have the full story, himself, but knew enough.

He took Lucina's hand in his. "Let's go for a walk," he told her. Maybe being in the open air would help his mind clear out a little. Part of his problem had to be breathing in this artificially sterile air they kept circulating up here.

They left the hospital quietly, after Henri let his dad know where they were going. As they walked through the halls, and then finally out the door, Henri began to tell Lucina how he and Senna had been ambushed while they were walking to the Neewollah party he'd been trying to meet her at. He tried to keep the story vague, but sometimes had trouble not giving away exactly how he'd felt in the moment. The hand that was linked with Luce started to get sweaty, and not because of the humid Nadar climate.

But the tale of their would-be abduction was not what made Henri the most uncomfortable and sick-feeling. Even telling Lucina about the moment Senna had relayed that Poppy was missing made his muscles react in strange ways. He was panicked, just remembering how he'd felt in that second and the hours that followed. The idea that their little sister was missing--presumably taken by clio similar to the ones that had attacked him and Senna only a short time prior.

He'd vomited in the office at school. And then they'd--stupidly, as Senna had pointed out--traveled to Annerb. "And then-then..." Henri did not want to relive the barn. He didn't want to even think about how he felt when he saw Poppy and Elias and Axel chained to the wall, battered and broken, much less tell Lucina about it.

So he stopped talking. He kept walking, looking straight ahead and never at Lucina. He couldn't face her or he thought he would dissolve into a watery mess. And from watery messes came spirals.

Luce listened intently, not releasing Henrik's hand even as it got clammy and sweaty. Her eyes widened when he described being attacked, and then widened even more when he got to the part about going to Annerb with Senna. Her Henrik--her nervous little wreck of a boyfriend who had nearly been too afraid to go to a Neewollah party--had fought off attackers and then had willingly gone off on a dangerous mission to rescue his little sister.

He looked a mess though just talking about it, which made it even harder to picture. "It was brave of you," she told him, giving his hand a squeeze. She really was impressed. It may not have been the smartest move, but she couldn't honestly say she wouldn't have done the same thing in his shoes. "And I'm glad you're all safe." She leaned up and pecked him on the cheek.

She wanted to know what happened next, but she also didn't want to push him when he was obviously so upset about it. "And then...your parents ended up showing up, right?" she offered tentatively. Her step-mom had mentioned that the Nadar overloridian was dealing with the problem personally.

Henri nodded. He could tell Lucina wanted more from him, but he wasn't sure he had any more to give. He wasn't sure he would be physically able to tell her about the barn or the subsequent balloonride back to Nadar without getting sick. The fresh air had helped his stomach settle, but thinking back to the blood and the horror they'd all shared as they were stuck in the air...

"They're healing, now," Henri said, choosing to keep his stomach contents where they were and skipping over the rest of the story. "It wasn't just Poppy--Elias, my cousin, and their friend Axel were both taken, too." He took a deep breath.

"Do you remember when my aunt went missing?" he asked. He thought it would be safe to give her a little information about that. About why this had all happened.

"Oh. Yes, I think so," Luce said, frowning at the revelation that Poppy wasn't the only victim in this horrible story. She remembered Poppy talking about her aunt on her dad's side of the family with Kin, and Senna had mentioned it a few times as well. That had been years ago. She didn't know any details about all that. She wasn't sure there had been any details to know--by all accounts it had been a total mystery. "Did this...have something to do with that?"

Henri explained what he knew, being able to focus more clearly now that he was on part of the story that didn't involve him or his experiences directly. He told Lucina about Aunt Estela and how she was somehow tied to a criminal organization. What he knew so far was that she'd been taken by past acquaintances, and held captive for the four years she'd been missing. She'd recently escaped, Henri told Lucina, and that was when the evil man named Cillian had come for his siblings and Elias--to get back at Aunt Estela.

It was a story like out of some crime fiction book, he realized as he spoke. Though, to be honest, he supposed it sort of ran in the family.

"So now, I guess, my mom is currently hunting for the rest of the Coterie," he said. Henri wasn't sure how his mom was able to do everything she was able to do. She was a super hero. If he thought he'd had a lack of sleep, he couldn't imagine how his mom was surviving. She probably hadn't closed her eyes for more than a half hour at a time since showing up at the barn.

"That's just. Wow. That's literally insane," Luce said once Henrik was done telling his story. It would be unbelievable if not for the fact that she knew Henrik wouldn't lie to her, and that her own parents had told her before of some of the sketchy criminal groups they had encountered in their youths. Still though, to think of it happening to the Selway-Sommers family...

"I can't believe some psycho would do all that just to get back at one clio," she said. She couldn't imagine the type of world these organized criminals lived in. She thanked her lucky stars that her own parents had managed to avoid running afoul of them when they'd grown up on the streets. "Thank gods you guys caught him."