leaderless -nathan-

Overloridian Tamar Batel was dead.

Noor's mother was dead.

Assassinated by a previously unknown group of clio who had attacked a crowd in Dian, using their various eilemaidens to cause as much chaos and carnage as possible. Her mother had jumped into the fray to protect her clio. She had died protecting them.

Now there was no overloridian in Dian. There were no records of a baby born years ago with a silver wisp, and no one had come forward since the attack. This kind of situation wasn't unheard of, but it was rare, and hadn't happened to Dian in generations. The last two overloridians had been trained by their direct predecessor. Noor's mother had always planned to do the same for her successor, when he or she appeared...but now...

She'll never get to meet her successor. She'll never be able to teach them what it means to be an overloridian.

But Noor could. The star piece might not glow when she touched it, but Noor knew everything there was to know about running Dian. Her mother had taught her all of it. She could train the new overloridian, and ensure that Dian would be in good hands. It was what her mother would have wanted.

In the meantime, everyone seemed to be turning to her for leadership. It made sense--not only was she her mother's daughter, but she was also her advisor, and an officer of the military. Eventually the remaining powers in Dian made it official, and declared Noor the interim leader until the new overloridian was found. What could she do but accept? It was her duty.

The days since had been a flurry of work and meetings and plans. There wasn't even time to grieve. She didn't have a moment to herself, nor a moment to spend alone with her fiance Nathan, the only clio she felt she could be vulnerable around. Until now, at least. It was getting late, but she found him still awake and out of bed in the living room of their estate suite. "Hey you," she said, giving him a tired smile. She sat next to him and pulled his arm around her shoulders. She took the moment to just be a normal grieving clio and closed her eyes, soaking in the comfort.

Nathan had been on the sofa for an hour, patiently sitting. His military training had taught him patience if nothing else, and he had never been one to leave his work at the door. His fiancee, Noor, was similar. Her very essence breathed military, and her strength on and off duty was what had originally drawn him to her.

When he heard the door to their shared suite unlock Nathan gave one last glance to the clock--it was nearing midnight--and then looked to the hall. Noor appeared looking weary, and Nathan felt his heart constrict at the love he felt. What he would give to wipe the weariness away from her, to transport her back a week in time, to when she hadn't needed to be quite as strong as she was being now.

Five days ago Tamar had passed away. Tamar, the Dian overloridian. Tamar, Noor's mother. In her stead, Noor had been given the unofficial title as overloridian regent, and had been putting in overtime hours to keep their eilemaiden running smoothly instead of taking her time to grieve.

Noor smiled a tired smile and Nathan returned it with one of his own, beckoning her over to join him on the couch. While being what had originally drawn them together, it wasn't Noor's strength that made Nathan love her. It was her secret softness. It was knowing that it wasn't power or titles that made Noor work so hard for Dian--it was not hardened will brought forth by desire...it was love. Noor loved Dian more than herself, and because of that, she would do anything. Even push herself past the breaking point.

She settled next to him and guided his arm around her shoulders. Nathan pulled her in closer, reveling in the feel of her body against his. He squeezed her tightly, wishing (not for the first time) that he could take away a little of the pain she was feeling.

"Hi," he said softly. He held her closely and they sat in silence for a moment. Nate wanted to give Noor complete control on whether they talked about Tamar or the needs of Dian, or about nothing at all. He just wanted her to have a moment for herself--and they could fill that moment with whatever she needed. He kissed the top of her head.

Noor rested her head on Nathan's shoulder and sighed into it, trying to relax, but her mind wouldn't stop buzzing. Her heart wouldn't stop aching. "I miss her," she said softly to Nathan. "I just wish I could talk to her one more time. Tell her I love her, and that Dian is in safe hands. And ask her..."

...ask her if I'm doing everything right. If I'm doing what she would have done. But no. Noor couldn't let doubts like that seep into her head. Her mother had raised her to be a leader since she was a small child. She knew what she was doing, she knew she was doing everything right, and she knew her mother would be proud if she could see her now.

"...Never mind. It doesn't matter," she said instead.

"It does matter," Nathan said gently. "I wish I could talk to her, too." He had loved his soon-to-be mother-in-law, had admired her for many of the reasons he admired Noor. Though his fiancee was adopted, she and her mother could not have been more alike.

"You are doing an amazing job, better than I think anyone could ask for. Your mom would be proud of you for what you're doing." He paused for a minute, lifted a hand and started stroking Noor's silky black hair. "I think it's exactly what she would have done." It was the highest compliment he could give--he knew how much Noor had strived to be like Tamar.

"But Noor, it's okay. It's okay to just...take a minute." He wanted her to take a whole collection of minutes. Hours. Days. He knew she needed time to grieve properly. No matter her tough exterior, that heart of hers needed a break. There were other advisors, other military officers (himself included) that could hold the fort while Noor took a small leave of absence. It was not abandonment of Dian to take some personal time. Nathan feared if she didn't take a step back now, before the new overloridian was found, she would never have time to acknowledge her emotions. Taking in and training a new overloridian who had no experience...to replace her own mother...that would take a toll. It would be made worse if she didn't take some time for herself beforehand.

"Thank you," she whispered, when he told her her mother would be proud. It was exactly what she needed to hear. What came next, however, wasn't:

Nathan wrote:"But Noor, it's okay. It's okay to just...take a minute."

"I am. Right now," she said. What he really meant was for her to stop working for a few days, to step back and take care of herself. But she couldn't pull herself away, not now. Dian needed her. And she needed it, she realized. She needed the work. Taking this brief time to talk with Nate was one thing, but to go days with nothing to do but focus on the pain and grief? She just couldn't.

She sat up and met Nate's eyes. "I'll be okay. I promise," she assured him. She gave him a quick kiss. "I actually like staying busy."

Nate's eyes searched Noor's as she looked at him. He'd known she would say something of the sort, and knew that it was mostly true, even. But he couldn't help but still wish she could put herself first for once. He wanted to put her first. Nevertheless, when she kissed him, his eyes softened.

"I know you do," he told her. Perhaps he should press the issue, beg her to take time off, but something told him it would only upset her if he did. She was Noor, even in the face of difficulty. She would handle this as she saw fit and cut no corners in the process.

The couple moved to the kitchen and Nate brewed Noor some calming tea, knowing that she would have a hard time turning off her brain before they went to bed tonight. He put his hands around her waist and lifted her to sit on the kitchen island before giving her a kiss on the lips. He went around the room, gathering the honey and valerian root and other tea supplies.

Noor sat and allowed Nate to make her his famous calming tea, which would supposedly soothe her nerves. She didn't have the heart to tell him it had never worked before. She just wasn't the type to relax, especially not during a crisis. The wheels of her mind were always turning. There was work to be done.

"I think I am going to go find the new overloridian myself, personally," she blurted out, unable to stop herself from bringing it up. Though her top priority was finding the clio who had attacked Dian, this was just as important. And it would be easier. "It's not that I don't trust the star piece with anyone else--" She didn't trust the star piece with anyone else. "--but I'll rest easier carrying it myself. And I want to meet them as soon as possible."