past curfew -popalop-

It was sometime after midnight, and Axel was waiting for Poppy in their secret meeting place. He usually got there first. It was much easier for him to slip away unnoticed than her--in fact, he was fairly sure his mom did notice half the time and just didn't bother to try and stop him. They both knew that would only end in an explosive argument with him leaving anyways, so what was the point? Poppy, on the other hand, had to make it past all the heightened security around the Nadar Estate.

Their meeting place was in the courtyard of a public park. It was a place that was landscaped and maintained enough for him to get around on crutches, but deserted enough at night to give them complete privacy.

Something rustled nearby, making him flinch. He and Poppy had met out here half a dozen times by now, but he still got jumpy waiting alone. Dad is in prison, he reminded himself, taking a breath. Spenser is dead. No one here was out to get him. Not anymore.

Eventually there was another sound, but this time it was cause for elation instead of fear as Axel recognized Poppy's figure in the distance. He smiled as she approached. Seeing her seemed to be the only thing that made him happy these days. "Glad you could make it."

A grin spread on Poppy’s face as she heard Axel’s voice. Each time she snuck out of the estate her heart raced wildly until she caught sight of him, and seeing him now was no different. She felt her whole body relax as she approached him, and as she slid next to him on the bench and planted a kiss on his cheek she felt herself give a sigh of relief.

Walking in the dark had never been hard for her before, but now it took every ounce of her determination not to jump every time she heard a noise or saw a shadow move. A kidnapping would do that to a clio, she supposed.

“Senna wouldn’t leave me alone.” Her older sister, along with the rest of her family, was constantly worried about her nowadays. Poppy would have enjoyed their worry, once. Now she just wanted everyone to stop.

“Were you waiting long?” she asked.

Pop wrote:“Senna wouldn’t leave me alone.”

"Seems like no one ever leaves you alone these days," Axel said. If it wasn't her sister it was one of her parents, or one of the workers at her house. It was one of the reasons he and Poppy had to sneak around like this to get any fucking privacy.

alop wrote:“Were you waiting long?”

He turned and leaned forward to kiss Poppy full on the lips. "Nah," he said once they pulled apart. "Much shorter than last time. I think you're getting better at sneaking out."

Before she could agree with him about her being constantly on lock down he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Each kiss they shared made Poppy feel a warmness in her chest, not just because it made her happy, but because it felt destined, somehow. She and Axel had survived. They were the only ones that understood each other, now. (Though Elias had been through the same experience, and Poppy had tried to reach out to him, he'd done again what he'd always done best--distanced himself. He and Uncle Henri were godsknowswhere now, leaving not only Poppy behind, but Aunt Estela.) But she and Axel? They'd survived together, and now they couldn't get enough of each other. They'd been held hostage, but now they had the freedom to do this.

I wouldn't exactly call this freedom, Sansa thought, referencing the fact that the lovebirds had needed to sneak out in the dead of night to even see each other. Poppy ignored her. She was very aware that her daemon did not approve of their midnight meanderings, but Poppy didn't care. The only clio that made her feel as if she wasn't a fragile piece of pottery was right here in front of her. She'd scale bedroom windows and run through shadows for him any day.

Axel wrote:Nah. Much shorter than last time. I think you're getting better at sneaking out.

She smiled at him. "You're turning me into a delinquent," she teased. Poppy had never been innocent, but it was true that she'd gained a sudden disregard for her parents' wishes over the last month and a half.

"How is it now that your mom is working again?" Poppy asked. Sometime over this last week Petra had returned to work after finding something temporary here in Nadar, which Poppy imagined felt wonderful. Though her own mother had never been able to take time off, her father and the staff had been surrounding her every movement. Poppy was jealous of Axel and his newfound freedoms.

Poppy wrote:"You're turning me into a delinquent."

"No wonder your parents don't want you seeing me," he said half-jokingly.

"How is it now that your mom is working again?"

"Oh. Uh, not much different than when she wasn't, I guess," Axel said with a slight shrug. For about a week after...after, his mom had put a small amount of effort into actually being nice to him for once. She'd given it up pretty quickly, which at first was a relief because it had just felt fake and weird. But every once in a while he found himself wishing that he just had a normal parent who could comfort him when he wasn't handling things so great. Poppy's parents were overbearing but at least they cared.

"I wish my dad had a job to go to," she said. Her dad was definitely less in her face than her mom had been recently, but it was still excruciating to have him around her knowing he was constantly worried. He kept asking her how she was doing, kept reminding her he was there if she needed to talk. And the way she caught him looking at her sometimes... Poppy hated to worry her dad, it made her feel guilty. But it also made her feel angry that they wouldn't leave her alone. If she thought about it for too long, she felt a quiet ebbing of hatred towards herself. She didn't like feeling that either.

"How is your leg feeling?" Poppy asked, pushing her thoughts away. Axel was healing, slowly but surely, and though he still relied on crutches, his maneuverability seemed to be increasing by the day. "Walk to walk around the garden?" Anything but sitting here lost in thought.

Pop wrote:"I wish my dad had a job to go to."

Axel smiled bitterly. "He could be worse," he said. The bite in his own voice surprised him.

It ain't a contest, Ax, Blue said. She could feel the bubbles of resentment starting to boil up in his head, and knew it wouldn't lead to anything good.

I'm not--I know it's not, Axel dismissed before jumping on the chance to change the subject when Poppy asked about his leg and taking a walk. "Fine. It feels fine. Yeah, let's walk around." He hoisted himself up onto his crutches and, maybe a little absurdly, offered a hand to help Poppy up.

Poppy caught a breath when Axel responded bitterly about his own father. It was an unspoken rule that they didn't talk about that night...that they didn't talk about the man who had made the night what it had been. Axel's dad. How could she have been so insensitive? Guilt ebbed at her, and with it, a feeling of panic. She felt her cheeks burn.

She barely heard Axel agree to the walk with the blood rushing in her ears. He stood and offered her a hand. She took it gently, forcing a smile to her face. Axel was the only good thing. Axel was the only good thing. She wasn't going to upset him.

They walked for a moment in silence, Poppy letting Axel set the pace. "You know," she said, "I'm not sure I'm going back to school."

What? Sansa asked, stopping in her tracks.

It was news to Poppy, too. Before she'd spoken it aloud, the thought had never crossed her mind. But now that the words were out in the open, she thought them over. Was school important, really? Did she want to go back and have clio stare at her? Did she want her school advisors and teachers watching her, waiting for a breakdown?

"What?" Axel asked, stopping and turning to look at Poppy in surprise. "Like, your parents won't let you?" That was kind of a huge overreaction, he thought. He couldn't really imagine Poppy being happy if she was forced to be home schooled away from all her friends. She didn't look or sound upset though...

"Or you mean, you don't want to?" he asked uneasily.

You really are a bad influence, Blue said.

Poppy shrugged, not meeting Axel’s eyes. She didn’t want him to judge her for the thought, and didn’t want to be disappointed if she did see judgement in his eyes.

“I don’t think I can go back,” she answered. It wasn’t because she was afraid. It was because she couldn’t stand the thought of being pitied or watched or coddled. It didn’t make sense, she knew. Not when she’d thrived on attention and acknowledgement before. But now the thought made her skin feel clammy. She thought of every day since the attack that she’d spent with her family, and how their worry made her feel raw and unsettled. She thought of telling her friends what had happened. Thought of the stares and the questions and the pity she would undoubtably get.

She hated herself for feeling that way. For being so weak. And then hated herself for bringing it up. She didn’t want to talk about it because she didn’t want him to challenge her. But there wasn’t a way to not talk about it, now that she’d brought it up.

“I don’t want to go back,” she said. She looked at him then, ready to face whatever he thought about her admittance.

Axel watched Poppy's face closely. She wouldn't look at him at first, but eventually she lifted her head and there was pain in her eyes. A haunted look on her face. Axel immediately felt selfish and stupid for thinking she would want to leave Redfern because of him and not because she had been fucking kidnapped from there. Idiot. Of course it's because of what happened. Of course. How are you such an idiot? he berated himself.

"Oh," he said quietly. This time he was the one who looked away. "What would you do instead?"

“I don’t know,” she admitted. She looked down as he looked away. There was only one thing she did know, going forward. She couldn’t do any of it without him.

“Axel?” she said quietly. There was another reason she didn’t feel like she could handle returning to red fern. She didn’t think she could leave Axel behind. She thought about how he calmed her,how she felt so at peace whenever she spent time with him, and then felt sick that they’d let this meeting get so twisted.

She waited for him to turn back to her, ignored whatever guilt and regret she saw in his eyes, pretended like she didn’t see it like he had done for her, and leaned up to kiss him. “You are the only thing I want.” She didn’t want these stupid midnight walks to be the only thing they shared. And she definitely didn’t want them to end if she was forced to go back to school.

“I love you.”

Axel's heart started beating faster as Poppy leaned up to kiss him. They had kissed tons of times before, but this time it felt different somehow. More intense, more meaningful. His pulse was pounding in his ears when she pulled away and looked at him like he was the only other clio in the world and told him he was the only thing she wanted.

And then.

Poppy wrote:“I love you.”

"I love you too," he blurted out, before the fear and the doubts had a chance to seep into his head and stop him. Because he did. He did love her.

Axel wrote:I love you too.

Her eyes softened to a twinkle and she felt her body relax. "You better," she whispered, her lips just a breath away from his. She kissed him one more time and then lowered herself back to flat feet, a smile on her face and a warmness in her chest.

He was the only thing that mattered. The only thing she couldn't live without. And no matter what happened, it was she and Axel against everything.