flames on the side of my face -poppy-

Axel and Poppy had been sneaking away to see each other as often as possible over the last few months. Well, Poppy had to sneak away. Axel would just leave, and his mom wouldn't stop him. He was on crutches now, and the doctors said he could start putting a little weight on his leg. It had been so long that he felt wobbly and clumsy on his feet, but it was still miles better than having to be in that fucking chair.

"I think once I get my cast off my mom wants to go back to Ughdarras," he was telling Poppy as they made their way down a sparsely populated dirt road through a small town. He looked down at the ground. He had no idea how Poppy would react to the thing he wanted to ask her.

“To Ughdarras?” Poppy frowned, blindsided. Just moments ago they’d been laughing about something stupid, a half an hour before that they’d been making out on a park bench. And now he was dropping this bomb on her?

She didn’t know what to say next. For some reason she had never pictured him leaving...she couldn’t imagine facing the day without looking forward to seeing Axel. They’d spent so much time together, and most of the time it felt like being with Axel was the only thing keeping her together. Some days it was the only thing keeping her together.. She wasn’t ready to be alone.

“I...I don’t know what to say,” she finally said. “I can’t imagine you leaving me.” She felt very in-Poppylike in that moment. She felt very small and powerless.

"I don't have to go back to Ughdarras," Axel blurted out. He stopped, turned and took Poppy by the hands. "I want to be wherever you are. But...we don't have to stay here either."

He had been thinking about this for a while now. Ever since his mom had brought up returning home to Ughdarras, he had been thinking of what he wanted to do. He knew he couldn't leave Poppy, but he didn't want to stay in Nadar either. It just felt wrong. Everything felt wrong, he felt wrong in his own skin. Everywhere he went, he felt the shadow of his father looming over him, holding on to him, threatening to crush him. Only when he was with Poppy did he feel his father's grip on him loosen.

Maybe if he could start over somewhere new, he could be someone else, free from his fucked up family. But...he couldn't do it without Poppy. He knew she wasn't like him, that she had a loving family and a good life here. He almost couldn't believe how selfish he was for asking this of her. But he needed to do it. He needed her.

“Yes.” She answered instantly, without thought or pause. A life without Axel wasn’t a life she wanted to live. She nodded feverishly, smiling wide. “I mean, me too, yes, let’s go.” She squeezed his hands and lifted herself onto her tiptoes to kiss him, heart pounding. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life.

The relief and exhilaration that flooded Axel when Poppy breathed yes was almost indescribable. He wrapped his arms around her tightly when she kissed him, his crutches dropping to the ground. "Poppy...you have no idea how happy you just made me," he said breathlessly when they pulled apart.

His mind was already racing off, imagining their future. "We can go anywhere. Be anybody," he said, feeling almost delirious with excitement. "I don't have to be Cillian's son anymore. We can leave it all behind us."

They didn't need a past when they could create such a bright future for themselves.

The mention of Cillian made Poppy flinch. She hadn’t even spared a thought for her own parents, who loved her. Who were good to her. It wasn’t their fault that the sight of them made her feel anxious, that when they tried to talk to her she felt anger and resentment bubbling in her stomach.

They expected her to be the Poppy she’d always been. She couldn’t look at her dad and not be his baby anymore, she couldn’t look at her pregnant mom and explain the way she felt. Her parents would just have to understand, they’d have to realize she couldn’t be that Poppy anymore. She was new, she’d been broken, and Axel was the only one that could fix her.

“Where will we go?” she asked, imagining in flashes the places her Uncle Paydon has taken her when she was little. There was so much to Amelia—they could go anywhere. “When?”

"Well," Axel said, and then paused for a beat. Where. He hadn't gotten that far in his fantasizing yet. He had figured they would have to wait until his cast came off, but now that they were going to do it, really do it, he found himself wondering why they should even wait at all. There were doctors in other cities. He could get his leg taken care of anywhere.

"Somewhere I could get a job," he mused. All he knew was factory work. So, a city then. "Dahlin maybe. Or Dian. They're always looking for welders. We could find a room to rent." They wouldn't need much as long as they had each other.

"We...we could go whenever we want."

“We would live together.” Poppy felt like crying tears of relief. It had been (however long it had been since Neewollah) and Poppy had yet to sleep during the night. She stole winks of sleep during the day, in bright rooms, where and when she felt safest. But to stay the night with Axel? She wanted to sag down and sleep right now.

“I love you, and I don’t care where we go as long as I’m with you.” She bent down and picked up his crutches. “I want to go as soon as we can. I just need...I need to let my family know. And then I want to go. We could leave tomorrow.”

What she was saying sounded crazy, but it was also the only thing that made sense. She only wished she was settled—she wished she had every right to escape. Instead it would be tricky. But she would do it. She was leaving with Axel the earliest he could whisk her away.

"Hah...your family probably won't be happy I'm guessing," Axel said, taking his crutches back. He felt a squirm of nerves in his stomach. What if her parents talked her out of this? Unlike his mom, they actually cared. And they probably wouldn't understand that this was what was going to make Poppy happy.

Poppy shook her head. “I don’t care. We’re doing this.” She had a smile on her face that couldn’t be wiped off. “Me and you.” She wanted to push him over and have her way with him right then, she was suddenly so turned on and attracted to him and she felt so so alive in a way she hadn’t in so long. It crashed over her in a wave, like a sudden tide pulling her under. Her heart was pounding. The excitement of it all, the happiness she felt at finally being able to be alone with him. To starting a life together, just the two of them. She made him happy in a way no one else could, and he wanted her to be with him, and he needed her and he set her on fire. She felt needed and necessary, and she loved him.

“Tomorrow.” She reaffirmed.

"Tomorrow," Axel agreed, resolute. As he stood there looking into Poppy's eyes, he felt more validated in this plan to run away than ever. He and Poppy were in this together. They'd make their own way in the world, and make their own happiness. They had each other and they were in love.

What more could they ever need?