i was married [petra]

Henrik took in the sights of Ughdarras as he made his way through Petra's neighborhood. Rian stayed alongside him, paws pattering on the sidewalk.

This is weird, right? Rian asked, looking up at Henri.

A bit, he answered with a nod. Henri hadn't exactly "dressed up" for the occasion, but he definitely hadn't gone casual either. He wore a short-sleeved dark blue button up with tiny white polka dots, the top few buttons left undone and the sleeves rolled up to show a lighter color that matched the lining of the collar. This was one of his "nice-but-not-too-nice" shirts. He had paired it with slim black pants, and a nice belt and watch to take it up a notch.

Is this a date? Rian asked, noticing Henri's fidgeting of a few metal coins in his pocket. You seem nervous.

I don't know, Rian, Henri responded with a tinge of irritation, mostly because he honestly had no idea and Rian knew that.

You only wear that watch when you go on dates, Rian persisted, turning to look around.

I don't go on dates, Henri said, looking at the addresses on the buildings around them. They were getting close.

Apparently you do now, Rian teased.

We're here, Henri said, dropping the conversation. He and Rian made their way into the apartment building, finding the right floor and eventually ending up at the right door.

Henri hesitated before knocking, wondering what he was doing here. He and Petra had such a broken past and had experienced so many awful things together. Was it healthy to reconnect? Henri couldn't help but notice the butterflies in his stomach. What was he nervous about?

Just knock, Rian said, looking up at Henri both expectedly and reassuringly. It'll be okay.

With a heavy sigh, Henri knocked on the door.

Petra was finishing up getting dressed.

This is fucking weird, right? Tasia asked.

It's really fucking weird, Petra agreed, pulling her shirt on over her head. When she had expectantly run into Henrik at work, she had casually mentioned meeting up again. To her surprise, he had actually taken her up on that offer not long afterwords, and they had planned for him to come visit Ughdarras today.

She had kicked Axel out of the apartment for the time being, to which he had sarcastically asked if he was getting a new dad, to which she had thrown a shoe at his head. But that all begged the question: What exactly was Petra expecting to happen here? She didn't even know. Her feelings about Henrik were still strange and twisted up, even all these years later. She used to love him. She used to hate him. She hadn't even known him for eighteen years. They were both different clio now.

Yet somehow they had grown to have such similar lives. Both single parents of teenage boys, with few outside connections besides a younger sibling. Both doing their best to live a normal life after all the shit they'd done and been through.

Well. Whatever would happen would happen. And it would happen now, apparently, because there was a knock at the door. She went out into the living room and opened it up. It was Henrik, obviously, and he had actually bothered to dress pretty nicely for the occasion. "What, no flowers?" she asked sarcastically, standing aside to let him in.

"Shit," Henri said, shaking his head and smiling. "I knew I was forgetting something." Petra's immediate joke made him feel a bit less nervous. He still had no idea what to expect, or what she thought of all of this, but it was nice to joke around -- it made the whole situation feel a bit more casual and relieved some pressure to act any specific type of way.

Should we have brought flowers? Rian inquired. Henri ignored them, nodding and saying a light "thank you" as the two entered the apartment.

"Is your son around?" he asked, taking a look at the living room. He was interested in meeting him and learning about his interests. He wondered if he was anything like Elias -- though admittedly, he barely knew anything about Elias anymore. He had been effectively shut out of his life.

"No, I told him to get lost for a while," Petra replied. As they talked, she sort of walked with Henri around her apartment, giving him the grand tour of all 800 square feet of it. She was surprised Henri wanted to meet Axel already, she had figured that would happen later, if at all. "But if you stick around long enough, I'm sure he'll be back later today. Just warning you, he can be a little smart-ass sometimes."

Once Henri had seen all there was to see of Petra's two-bed-one-and-a-half-bath apartment, she went to the kitchen that opened up into the living room while he took a seat. "You wanna drink? I've got...whiskey, and wine, and some nasty pisswater-in-a-can that my son drinks." Teenagers had awful taste in alcoholic beverages, she had learned.

"No, I told him to get lost for a while," Petra replied.

Does that mean she wants to hook up? Rian asked. Did Rian not have a filter?? Of course not.

Shush! Henri responded.

"But if you stick around long enough, I'm sure he'll be back later today. Just warning you, he can be a little smart-ass sometimes."

Oh. Guess not, Rian concluded.

"I would expect nothing less from your child," Henri said with a laugh.

Henri followed Petra around the apartment, which he thought was really cute. Apartments like this reminded him of when he and Nils used to bounce from place to place, picking up odd jobs and avoiding clio who wanted to kill, kidnap, or otherwise hurt them. He was glad that they didn't have to live like that anymore, but he did miss living with his brother.

Henri sat down in the living room while Petra offered him a drink. "You make a hard sell, but I think I'll go with the whiskey."

Is it a good idea to get drunk? Rian inquired nosily.

It's just one, Henri said, hoping to convince Rian and himself.

"Yeah, I was torn between that and the pisswater too," Petra said, pouring them both a whiskey and bringing them over. She left the bottle out on the counter in case they'd want more. She handed Henri his and sat down next to him.

"So," she said, after a long sip. "I want to hear how you went from hardened-criminal-on-the-run to single-dad-who-works-in-a-warehouse."

She wondered if anyone in his life besides Nils and Paisley knew about Henri's past. She thought he had mentioned his son blaming him for the mother's disappearance, so maybe he'd told him about it too? While Pia and Axel knew about Petra's past, neither of them could relate to her the way someone like Henri probably could. Maybe that was the reason she found herself wanting him around.

Henri thanked Petra for the drink, taking a sip and resting his hand and drink on one knee, his leg crossed over the other.

"That all feels like a lifetime ago," he reflected, thinking about how long he'd managed to keep up a decently normal life. "From the minute I met Estela, I knew I wanted to start a family with her. Next thing I know, she's pregnant and we're getting married. I wanted to do something that wouldn't put them in danger, and didn't make me feel like I was...evil." He took another sip of the whiskey.

"Looking back, I probably could have found something a bit more exciting than working in the factory. Like...being a florist or something," he said with a laugh. "What about you? Was the shipping job the first thing you found?"

Ugh, Petra thought in disgust as she listened to Henri's love-at-first-sight spiel about his old wife. However, she had matured over the last eighteen years, and didn't voice this disgust out loud. She understood where he was coming from about not wanting to put his family in danger with his work, or do something that made him feel "evil". Petra had had to reexamine a lot of her morals and priorities once she reconnected with her sister, and even more so once she had a child.

"A florist? That sounds like something your brother would do," she said. There was some distaste in her tone, but in a more sarcastic than genuinely mean way. "Me? Nah. I worked at the school for a while, as a security guard. Quit when they kicked Axel out, moved here and got the shipping job." She paused. "His dad's not in the picture, if you were wondering."

"Nils is a writer now, actually," he said with a smile, "but I could definitely see him as a florist too. Maybe we can open up shop together -- you could be our security guard. It's not too late!"

It was hard to imagine (again) Petra working at a school, even if it was in a more...authoritative and potentially violent role. He mostly couldn't imagine her caring much about the safety of the students, but he could understand the importance of her paycheck at the end of the day.

"His dad's not in the picture, if you were wondering."

Henri nodded as a silent "I understand." He looked at his drink. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know how hard it can be to raise a kid on your own, and I've only been alone with Elias for a few years." He looked back up to Petra. "Did you have some help at least?"

Petra snorted in derision at Henri's joke. Working at a flower shop with Nils sounded like a fucking nightmare.

She took some more sips of her drink. "Mmhm," she said, nodding. "My sister, Pia. You never met her. She helped out a ton with Axel. We actually lived together the first few years of his life. She was always good with him, which is probably why he likes her better than me." She couldn't blame him, she liked Pia better than herself too. She sighed. "I feel like I fucked up a lot along the way. I mean, he turned out to be a good kid somehow, but..."

Henri understood, at least a little bit, what Petra meant. He felt like he had failed as a father to Elias, and as a husband to Estela. Everything changed when Estela was kidnapped, and every day Henri wondered what he could have done differently so that things wouldn't end up this way.

"It's hard, impossible even, but I try to realize that...Elias, at least...he's his own clio, not an extension of me. He was my responsibility for a long time, and I did what I could, but he's going to grow up with his own mindset and his own perception of how we raised him and he'll make his own choices. Good, bad, complicated...ultimately, I did what I thought was right or okay at the time, and I can't take any of it back. So all I can do at this point is be there for him, listen, and try to understand."

He sighed, taking a large sip of his drink. What was he even talking about?

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Being a parent sucks is what I'm trying to say and I haven't quite figured it out either."

Petra watched and listened to Henrik all throughout his rambling, barely coherent speech. What the hell was he even trying to say?

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Being a parent sucks is what I'm trying to say and I haven't quite figured it out either."

Petra shrugged. "Hey. I'll drink to that," she said, clinking her glass against Henri's and then finishing it off. She got up to get herself another, and when she sat back down she sat far closer to Henri, almost right up against him. She watched his reaction, wondering if he'd be cool with it or edge away. "Mostly I'm just glad Axel didn't turn out like me." Or, gods fucking forbid, his father.

Henri smiled somewhat nervously when Petra sat so close to him, but he quickly shook off the nerves (before Rian could say anything stupid to him) and turned his body so he was facing her more casually and openly.

"I don't think you're so bad," he said, "when you're not trying to kill me at least." Was he flirting? He wasn't even sure what that looked like anymore, and he definitely didn't have a clue what flirting with Petra would look like. Last time they'd had something was over twenty years ago, and things had been sparse and violent and confusing since then.

He sipped his drink again, finishing it off.

"No?" Petra asked, reaching over to adjust the collar of Henri's shirt now that he was facing her. He hadn't moved away from her, at least. She leaned in a little more. "You're not so bad either, now that you're not running away from me."

She does want to hook up! Rian said excitedly. That made Henri more nervous. He thought she was just flirting with him (and was barely even sure about that), but now she was touching his collar and it made him a little uncomfortable. A lot uncomfortable.

It wasn't that Henri wasn't interested, or attracted, or wanting more...but he wasn't sure he was ready for this. They had just accidentally met up and this was only the second time they'd seen each over in eighteen years. What would Nils think? What would Elias think??

He started getting a bit overwhelmed and laughed nervously. "I think I need some more whiskey," he said, mostly as an excuse to get up. He made his way into the kitchen, taking a big breath as quietly as he could as he opened the whiskey bottle and poured some into his cup.

Smooth, Rian teased.

Petra was just about to lean in and go for it when,

"I think I need some more whiskey,"

Fucking ouch. Okay then. She could take a hint. She scooted back over to the other side of the couch, crossed her legs and took a loooooong sip of her own drink. "Have as much as you want," she said flatly.

So much for that.

Henri closed his eyes in disappointment and shame when he realized that he'd just messed this all up. As he put the cap back on the whiskey bottle, he decided to just be open and honest with Petra. She deserved that much.

"I'm sorry," he said as he made his way back to the couch and sat down, right where he had gotten up from. He figured she probably didn't want to be that close with him again. "I'm just...very overwhelmed. I haven't been with anyone other than Estela in two decades."

He sighed, realizing how pathetic he sounded. "I don't say that for sympathy, I mean -- it just all feels new but it doesn't feel new because it's with you. It's confusing." He looked down at his drink. He felt like he was fifteen again.

Petra closed her eyes for a second let out a long breath through her nose. She's been gone for years, she wanted to say. You're allowed to move on.

"It's fine. I get it." She looked over at Henri. He wouldn't even look at her now, like some kind of shy teenager. Fuck. "I shouldn't have tried anything. It's too soon." Too soon. As if there would be a later.

Well this was awkward as fuck now. She didn't want that. "Look, just...forget about it. It doesn't matter. Let's just talk some more."

Henri was going to say something about how it was okay, it was his fault, that he led her on -- but she (fortunately) changed the subject before he could. He started to realize that dealing with Elias all the time made him feel like he constantly had to prove himself to others...and to himself.

Henri's entire demeanor seemed to change, even though there wasn't much that was different about the situation. "Thank you," he said genuinely, looking up at Petra again with a small smile. He was so much more comfortable just moving on instead of being stuck talking in circles about the same thing again and again like he had to with Elias. Neither was particularly healthy, but at least moving on meant that they could maybe forget about it for a minute (which seemed to be impossible for Elias to do about anything).

"So, your sister," he started, sipping on his whiskey again. "She wasn't kidnapped like us?" He assumed that if she had been, he would have known her.

Well, that was one way to change the subject, she supposed. Eager to move on from the awkward moment, she accepted it. "No, I was at a friend's house that night," she said. She couldn't even remember that friend's name, but she remembered her dying. "So she had a mostly normal life. She's a teacher at Redfern, so maybe she knows your son." She shrugged. "Axel and I are going to visit her this weekend since we both have a couple days off."

Henri's face lit up when Petra mentioned visiting Martha's Vineyard (not when she mentioned the fact that her sister got to live a normal life when Petra's life was violently ripped from her as a child).

"This is a bit...fast," he mentioned, trying to sound as casual as possible about this possibly big-deal of a suggestion, "but what if I tagged along and we made it a fun thing? I could visit Elias, and we could introduce him and Axel. I could take the time off at the factory."

He took another sip, unsure if this roller coaster of an interaction between him and Petra would work in his favor after that shared idea. He hoped she liked it though, he could use some time off and wanted to see Elias again (even if Elias didn't exactly want to see him).

Petra was honestly shocked when he eagerly asked to go with her to Martha's Vineyard. She had kind of thought that after the awkward misstep a few moments ago he would be keeping more of a distance from here on out, but apparently not. She wondered what exactly it was he wanted out of this.

I think he's just lonely, Tasia said.

Hm. Maybe. That was kind of pathetic, to be honest, but it wasn't like Petra had much room to talk. She had just tried to seduce him, after all. "If you want to," she said with a shrug.

"Great," he said, smiling and looking at Petra excitedly. Gods knew he needed a vacation, and maybe they could use this time to genuinely reconnect and learn about each other in an environment that didn't involve violence. Aside from the incredibly awkward sexual encounter between them, he was having a really nice time.

"I'm thankful that you invited me over," he said. "I enjoy spending time with you."

The two spent a long time drinking and chatting about their lives since they'd last seen each other, sharing stories about their sons and siblings and mundane jobs and co-workers. So much time had passed, but they still revisited the memories they shared from back when they were teenagers.

There was something fulfilling about being able to connect with someone else who truly understood what it was like to live in the way that they were forced to, and it was nice for Henri to talk openly with someone about it in a way he couldn't necessarily always be open with Nils. Henri hoped that he could offer a similar opportunity for Petra, who didn't seem to have anyone like that (other than Cillian occasionally, who Henri found out was Axel's father and who he knew to be a pretty horrible guy).

Henri eventually realized that he was pretty tipsy from the whiskey, and that it was time for him to go. The two of them finalized some details for the trip to Martha's Vineyard, and Henri made his way back to the docks with Rian to catch a ship back to Nadar. He considered kissing Petra goodbye, but didn't want to risk another awkward situation and ruin the fun evening that they had shared together.